[He listens without interrupting him, making moves when it's his turn but otherwise more focused on what he's saying than the game itself. He makes a couple of distracted mistakes that will make things more difficult further in the game.
When it seems he has wound down, he sits back and rests his hands on his thighs.]
I don't blame you.
[He feels that's the most important thing to get out of the way from his side of it.]
I think I was just as much a reason for it as you were, subconsciously. Or rather...a good fit? I knew from an early age I wanted to be a templar, to serve the Maker. I started official training when I was thirteen. I...once had a knight-commander to whom I was loyal the way you were to me that night.
[He rubs a slow hand across his jaw and chin, whiskers rasping.]
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I understand. I've felt...adrift...since arriving here. I was in command of an entire army with a purpose. A good one. So I'm not completely sure that even had you resisted, things wouldn't have happened the way they did anyway.
It was a...a commingling of need and experiences, two sides of the same coin.
[Not an easy admission, yet he'd feel like a coward if he left Anderson to swing in the wind with all he'd revealed.]
I'll keep your secrets. No one will hear of any of it from me. You do good work here. That's what matters.
[He exhales one long, relieved breath as Cullen speaks, nodding along. This is more charitable a response than he was anticipating, but he does tend to expect the worst even from the best of people.]
Seems we're of like mind in more ways than I anticipated. It is difficult to disengage from things your entire life has revolved around, particularly when you were doing good in the world.
[He quirks a lip, making his next move. There's more thought behind where he places his piece, this time.]
Thank you. Honestly, I thought I'd irreparably damaged our relationship, which would have been a great loss. There aren't many people I would consider able enough to even subconsciously give the role of my leader. [He swipes a hand through his hair, leaning back in his chair.] Which is to say, you've made a good impression.
It is. I've found over time it's the...flaw...in being given a purpose. It can also be taken away. It feels rather like sailing without compass, sextant, or rudder.
[He notes with silent satisfaction the improvement in his strategy. He imagines all of this weighed on him terribly. It would were roles reversed.]
If I'm going to hold something against you to that degree, I'd prefer it to be something you had full control over. Maker knows, I...did things I am not at all happy with or proud of in the past few weeks.
[He quirks a wry smile.]
I suppose in a way I'm flattered then.
[The smile is short-lived. He's back to thoughtfulness and buying himself time to shape his words while making his next move. Course correction for one of his careless mistakes earlier, he hopes.]
I was never a Chantry Brother. No one entrusted me with confessions, or...much for moral guidance. Now that I know a large degree of what you do here, I'm going to make an offer. You can talk to me, if you need to. I may not have the answers, but I do have two perfectly good ears.
LIEs tried to play us false and set us against each other. I don't know about you, but I'd be all too happy to foil their plans. And it will be nice to be able to bounce ideas around with someone who understands. A two way street, to be sure.
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no subject
When it seems he has wound down, he sits back and rests his hands on his thighs.]
I don't blame you.
[He feels that's the most important thing to get out of the way from his side of it.]
I think I was just as much a reason for it as you were, subconsciously. Or rather...a good fit? I knew from an early age I wanted to be a templar, to serve the Maker. I started official training when I was thirteen. I...once had a knight-commander to whom I was loyal the way you were to me that night.
[He rubs a slow hand across his jaw and chin, whiskers rasping.]
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I understand. I've felt...adrift...since arriving here. I was in command of an entire army with a purpose. A good one. So I'm not completely sure that even had you resisted, things wouldn't have happened the way they did anyway.
It was a...a commingling of need and experiences, two sides of the same coin.
[Not an easy admission, yet he'd feel like a coward if he left Anderson to swing in the wind with all he'd revealed.]
I'll keep your secrets. No one will hear of any of it from me. You do good work here. That's what matters.
no subject
Seems we're of like mind in more ways than I anticipated. It is difficult to disengage from things your entire life has revolved around, particularly when you were doing good in the world.
[He quirks a lip, making his next move. There's more thought behind where he places his piece, this time.]
Thank you. Honestly, I thought I'd irreparably damaged our relationship, which would have been a great loss. There aren't many people I would consider able enough to even subconsciously give the role of my leader. [He swipes a hand through his hair, leaning back in his chair.] Which is to say, you've made a good impression.
no subject
[He notes with silent satisfaction the improvement in his strategy. He imagines all of this weighed on him terribly. It would were roles reversed.]
If I'm going to hold something against you to that degree, I'd prefer it to be something you had full control over. Maker knows, I...did things I am not at all happy with or proud of in the past few weeks.
[He quirks a wry smile.]
I suppose in a way I'm flattered then.
[The smile is short-lived. He's back to thoughtfulness and buying himself time to shape his words while making his next move. Course correction for one of his careless mistakes earlier, he hopes.]
I was never a Chantry Brother. No one entrusted me with confessions, or...much for moral guidance. Now that I know a large degree of what you do here, I'm going to make an offer. You can talk to me, if you need to. I may not have the answers, but I do have two perfectly good ears.
LIEs tried to play us false and set us against each other. I don't know about you, but I'd be all too happy to foil their plans. And it will be nice to be able to bounce ideas around with someone who understands. A two way street, to be sure.